Books about Women, Men, Relationships & Parenting
Reviewed by Jan Fable, MS, LADC
And a Sword Shall Pierce Your Heart: Moving from Despair to Meaning after the Death of a Child. Mathes, Charlotte. Published by Chiron Publications 2007. Mathes, a Jungian psychoanalyst, suffered a parent's worst nightmare--the death of her child. This book describes her struggle to find meaning and wholeness and the journey which led her to Jungian archetypal psychology and to a desire to help others come to terms with the profound grief and loss inherent in such an event. She guides the reader through steps and archetypes that mark the process of mourning and offers practical resources that help parents regain perspective and learn how and where to reach out for help.
Father Hunger: Fathers, Daughters and Food. Maine, Margot. Published
by Gurze Books, 1991. Maine explores the emptiness experienced by women whose fathers were emotionally absent.
She defines father hunger - a common phenomenon of
our Western culture - as the void that leads to unrealistic body image, yo-yo dieting, food fears and disordered
eating patterns. Maine is a clinical psychologist and at the time of publication she was the director of the Eating
Disorders Program at the Institute of Living in Hartford, Connecticut. The book offers some solid clinical insights
and a clearly described path of improving the father/daughter relationship and for healing.
Let Your Goddess Grow: Seven Spiritual Lessons on Femal Power and Positive Thinking.
Charlene M. Proctor, PhD. Published by The Goddess Network Press, 2005. The author
teaches the reader how to replace old, negative thought patterns with powerful ideas. Through the 7 lessons, you'll
find more success while deepening your relationship with spirit. Proctor leads you to the concept of the divine
feminine and explains why both men and women need more of her.
Stone Butch Blues. Feinberg, Leslie. Published by Firebrand
Books, 1993. This novel was recommended to me by a client to help me understand what it's like to grow up differently
gendered. It's a difficult and painful book to read. "Is that a girl or a boy?" is the question that
clouds the life and identity of the protagonist practically from her birth. Jess is so real and her life is so
well written, that as I read I felt I had entered her word. The riveting story follows one woman's struggle to
come to terms with the complex nature of being a transgendered person in a world which only wants simple explanations.
To read this book as a straight person, broadens understanding and empathy. To read it as a transgendered person
is to find a beacon of hope.
Super Woman's Rite of Passage: From Midlife to Whole Life. Lundquist, Kathleen. Published by Llewellyn Publications, 1996. I bought this book because of its title and then found
some good solid wisdom inside. The author takes high-achieving women through five stages of midlife transition.
It's an exciting and a challenging trip. The goal is the birth of an 'Authentic Adult Woman,' excited about the
second half of life. Five legendary Goddess myths encourage you in each of the tasks to be accomplished. First
is the Re-membering process in which you reexamine your definition of self and than, step-by-step, reassemble your
authentic self.
Ophelia Speaks: Adolescent Girls Write about their Search for Self. Shandler, Sarah.
Published by Harper Perennial, 1999. Sara Shandler was 17 years old when she finished
reading Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls by Mary Pipher and decided that she wanted to hear what the girls themselves had to say from the
girls directly. A year later, she had produced this book. It contains the writings of girls between the ages of
12 and 18, collected and edited by Shandler. Topics include drinking, sex, self-mutilation, body image and eating
disorders, dating, pregnancy, relationships with mothers, fathers, siblings, and friends, school, depression, therapy,
identity, faith, death and loss. It is an absolutely amazing book. It's painful to read at times, but do read it
and then buy it for every teen-age girl you know and encourage her to read it. Then talk with them about it.
Virgin, Mother, Crone: Myths and Mysteries of the Triple Goddess. Wilshire, Donna. Published by Inner Traditions, 1994. In September 1997 I sat on a Cape Cod beach unable to put this
book down. What an extraordinary piece of writing. The introduction begins with the words: "This
book is a hymn to womanhood. Come sing with me." And that is exactly what I
did. Wilshire, who is a writer in her 70's, brilliantly depicts the earliest Goddess cultures, interspersing her
essays with three poems that are really performance pieces, called: The Myth of Creation: The Story of Hebe, the
Virgin; The Myth of the Triple Goddess: An Evocation of Hera, Virgin-Mother-Crone; and The Mysteries of Death and
Transformation: An Evocation of Hecate, the Crone. She charges us to reclaim the perfection, the wonder and the
magic of being a woman; to re-member, in the sense of piecing together, so that we can recreate a modern version
of such a world in which all creation shared in the image and perfection of the creatrix, the great Goddess. She
invites us to create a new myth for ourselves - to create a new symbol system, a story that helps us discover what
is valuable about our humanity, and a model that helps us remember what men and women can treasure about themselves
and what we all can treasure about being earthlings. I can't say enough about this book. It is exciting, moving,
beautiful and moving and an antidote to low self-esteem. I urge men and women alike to read it.
Wifework: What Marriage Really Means for Women. Maushart, Susan. Published by Bloomsbury, 2001. The
author takes a radical look at the instuitution of marriage. She looks squarely at the fact that there are actually
two marriages that need to be considered: his and hers. She points out that men get one thing from marriage that
women never get: the get wives. According to Maushart, no matter what the public egalitarian rhetoric is, studies
show over and over again that wives do on average 90% of the laundry and 83% of all indoor cleaning and tidying;
that the difference between the domestic workload of husbands with employed wives and husbands with non-employed
wives is eactly 10 minutes a day; that 70% of a random sample of fathers were not responsible for any child-care
tasks, and an additional 22% were responsible for only one such task.
And a Sword Shall Pierce Your Heart: Moving from Despair to Meaning after the Death of a Child. Mathes, Charlotte. Published by Chiron Publications 2007. Mathes, a Jungian psychoanalyst, suffered a parent's worst nightmare--the death of her child. This book describes her struggle to find meaning and wholeness and the journey which led her to Jungian archetypal psychology and to a desire to help others come to terms with the profound grief and loss inherent in such an event. She guides the reader through steps and archetypes that mark the process of mourning and offers practical resources that help parents regain perspective and learn how and where to reach out for help. To order
Man Enough: Fathers, Sons and the Search for Masculinity. Pittman, Frank. Published by Perigee Books, 1993. Frank Pittman is a psychiatrist and family therapist. He takes us inside the male psyche in this book that addresses men's experiences of growing up male in our culture, often without caring fathers or male mentors. He helps us to understand the obsession with masculinity which drives many men to become controllers, competitors and philanderers, to understand why so many men are unprepared for family life and are constantly overcompensating. The book offers what, when it was published, was a new approach to issues of commitment, caring and control. It creates a positive model for the fathers of tomorrow. For some, perhaps the only positive model they might have. To order
Breast Cancer Husband: How to Help Your Wife (and Yourself) during Diagnosis, Treatment, and Beyond. Silver, Marc. Published by Reed Business Information, 2004. This useful guide is for men whose wives or girlfriends have been diagnosed with breast cancer. It's packed with medical information, practical tips, psychological insight, and coping strategies-to help men help the women they love through this trying time. When Silver's wife Marsha was diagnosed in 2001, he found himself frightened and helpless and unable to find a book to help him deal with it all. This is the book he wished he had been able to consult. It is packed with medical information, practical tips, psychological insight, and coping strategies-to help men help the women they love through this trying time. More than 200,000 women are diagnosed with cancer each year in the United States. At last, with this book, the men who love them have a road map to help them through a difficult and unprecedented journey. To order
Embracing the Beloved: Relationship as a Path of Awakening. Levine, Stephen B. and Ondrea. Published in paperback by Doubleday & Company, Inc., 1996. Husband and wife demonstrate how to use a relationship as a means for profound inner growth and healing. Their insights and anecdotes will benefit all who are drawn to looking inward and all who seek a relationship as a path for spiritual renewal. It's a poetic and compassionate book about healing love and family relationships. As always, Levine includes meditation techniques that support the healing about which he and Ondrea write. To order
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. Hendrix, Harville. Published in Paperback by Harper Collins, 1989. This book is designed to help couples communicate
better without resorting to an outside counselor. It offers a practical guide to resolving problems using 16 exercises
to enhance communication, stop self-defeating behavior, and achieve mutual emotional satisfaction. Hendrix helps
change the all-to-common power struggle of marriage into a mutually beneficial process of spiritual and emotional
growth. The exercises are demanding and require a real commitment to use them daily. To
order
Is It Love or Is It Addiction? Schaeffer,
Brenda. Published in paperback by Hazelden Information and Education Services, 1997.
Psychotherapist Schaeffer helps the reader understand what love addiction looks, sounds and feels like and how
and why it happens. She also provides ways to get out of it. For years I've been using the author's list of characteristics
of healthy and unhealthy relationships to help clients see what's going on in their relationships. To
order
Keeping the Love You Find: A Personal Guide. Hendrix, Harville and Claire Zion. Published in paperback by Pocket Books, 1993. In this book you'll discover: how to identify the fantasy
partner your unconscious mind, which has a hidden agenda of its own, keeps choosing; how to break away from those
patterns in your parents' marriage you've unknowingly internalized as the only acceptable model of a relationship;
and how to identify the unfinished business from your childhood which, the authors posit, can be transformed in
a conscious relationship. You can learn - and benefit - from every past relationship and be given new relationship
skills to practice. To order
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. Kirshenbaum, Myra. Published
by Plume Book from Penguin, 1997. This is a step-by-step guide to help you decide whether to stay in or get out
of your relationship. It was recommended to me by one of my clients as the "most frank and frighteningly helpful"
book she had found in her struggle to make this decision. It shows you how to diagnose your unique situation with
self-analytical questions. Questions like: What sins are forgivable and which unpardonable? What is you sex life
like, and how important is it to you? Doe your partner treat you with respect or question what you think and do
until you doubt yourself? If there is love between you, is it enough to balance against all that you find unlovable?
There is a wealth of common sense here which can help you discover what you really need to be happy. To order
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond. Evans, Patricia.
Published by Adams Media Corporation, 1992 & 96. Does your partner seem irritated
or angry at you several times a week? Does s/he deny being angry when s/he clearly is? Do your attempts to discuss
feelings of pain or emotional distress leave you with the feeling that the issue has not been resolved? Do you
frequently feel perplexed and frustrated by your partner's responses, as though you were each speaking in a different
language? If you answered "yes" to any of the preceding questions, you need to read this book. Being
in a verbally abusive relationship is crazy-making to the extent that you begin to doubt your own perceptions of
what is happening. Here you'll find validation and reassurance that it's not "all in your head." You'll
also find encouragement for you efforts to change your situation. The author explores the damaging effects of verbal
abuse on you, on the family, and on children. To order
GET OUT OF MY LIFE but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall? Wolf, Anthony. Parenting is another part of relationships and this funny, sound, and empathetic bood suggests that since teenagers live and act differently than their parents did at the same age, parents must come up with a new parenting approach - something different than what was used on them. The author offers assistance and advice for living with and raising teens ina compassionate manner. Farrar, Straus, Giroux, 1991. To order
Jan's training and experience expanded.
Jan Fable
203.255-5055
Fairfield, Connecticut
If you want to contact me, you can email me at JFable at forhealing.org
(There's no link to avoid spam)
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